by Chris Sexton
The last time I cameo-ed on DDT I was writing about one of my true loves, the New York Jets ; a franchise that I have an undying love and devotion towards but that franchise chooses to let me down every time. They are the worst. The IRS and terrorists are nicer to my psyche than the New York Jets.
Fast and Furious is the opposite.
This franchise has never let me down. I could watch a new movie of this series every summer for the rest of my life and be happy (and at this rate I just might. Fast 7 is slated to come out July 11, 2014. I already Fandango'd tickets). As I write this I am watching the original The Fast and the Furious on a second screen. Why? Because I live my life a quarter mile at a time.
Also I am prepping to see Fast & Furious 6 [EDITORS NOTE: last night] at midnight. Although I am very against listening to the band you are going to see in concert for at least a week before you see them live ( I could do 800 words on this theory but won't at this time) I wanted to get a taste of how far we have come and how far we have yet to go in the Fast and Furious world of Dominic Toretto and company.
From Ja Rule to Ludacris to Tyrese, these movies are perfection. They start action-packed then they slow it down for important dialogue then pump up the NOS and get back to the action. It's like a perfectly made playlist. When people ask me about F&F my face lights up as my smile grows wider and my rants begin. HOWEVER, my enthusiasm is always met with the same suspicion and variation of this question...
"Dude, you love Fast & Furious, you must be a big time car guy huh?"
Nope. Not in the least. I barely like cars at all, but I wish I was a car guy. It seems like an awesome culture to be a part of. Car guys love cars, they fix cars, they rebuild cars and they eat sleep and drink cars. I just drive a 2003 Dodge Durango thats sole purpose is to use its seven seats to shuttle drunks to and from the bar.
F&F is Point Break, but instead of surfers and extreme sports stars its street racers and car junkies ( I also wish I was mixed into the culture of extreme sports. So many Red Bulls, flat brim hats and sluttly blondes in jean shorts).
My top 5 movies ever are, in no particular order, Ghostbusters, Point Break, Can't Hardly Wait, The Shawshank Redemption and The Fast and Furious series ( I can't pick just one). So you know my movie taste can't be questioned.
Now I think I'm in the minority on this but Fast and Furious is the best franchise of movies ever (trilogies or greater). Better than Star Wars, Harry Potter, Terminator, Lord of the Rings, Dark Knight trilogy and yes even better than The Godfather. You heard me! Although I am in the minority, my opinion is right. Yours is wrong.
I asked the DDT co-founders their favorite movie series.
Coulter replied:
Glad you asked me this question because trilogies and franchises are so flawed by nature (see: Hangover, new Star Wars etc).
The obvious answer would be The Godfather however that doesn't hold up as a trilogy because the third one is sup par. The first two are each in my top 5 all time but as a trilogy or franchise is concerned it can't be the best. In the 21st century (our lifetime) the most perfect and harmonious trilogy would be Lord of the Rings because all three really compliment each other. However, the best all time trilogy or franchise would be The Man With No Name ( A Fistful of Dollars, For a Few Dollars More and The Good, The Bad and The Ugly). This will be disputed but so be it. Clint Eastwood is a legend and the greatest person to ever be apart of Hollywood.
Wrong. Bold, but wrong.
Cazalet replied:
After much thought and deliberation, I'm going with Back to the Future. There were many worthy competitors like the Bourne movies, Harry Potter, Indiana Jones and Lord of the Rings to name a few, but I went with BTTF because of the pure entertainment value. These movies are so much fun and engaging that ultimately make them the most re-watchable franchise. Beyond that, its the attention to detail that is consistent throughout the three movies, little things that would go unnoticed by a lesser franchise. Bottom line, I want my franchises to be fun and re-watchable, otherwise what's the point. And for those two reasons I am crowning Back to the Future my favorite franchise.
These are wise men looking for answers against the grain. However, I love the BTTF franchise and will not speak ill of it. I will just "shake" it off and move forward.
Now before you jump down my throat and throw Tokyo Drift in my face, I'll shut you down. Tokyo Drift is a Fast and Furious spin-off. If its title was just Tokyo Drift and it was "from the people who brought you The Fast and the Furious" the series' reputation would be without flaw.
Nobody judged Cheers by Frasier, Friends by Joey, or the Jersey Shore by Snooki and JWoww. Basically if your spinoff is just characters from a previous series its not good (Excluding Laverne & Shirley, Mork & Mindy and Joanie Loves Chachi, all oddly enough from Happy Days).
Not to mention taht chronologically speaking, Tokyo Drift hasn't even happened yet. [EDITORS NOTE: Sexton wasn't sure when Tokyo Drift fell time wise, but after seeing Fast 6 that question was answered. We don't want to spoil it for you] The other problem is Vincent Diesel does not appear in the puniest title of them all, 2 Fast 2 Furious. So you must consider that storyline part of the series but it runs outside of what I would declare as the best trilogy of all time. Go ahead and watch The Fast and the Furious followed by Fast and Furious and then Fast Five and tell me you don't agree with my statement.
You should watch 2 Fast 2 Furious just to understand why Ludacris and Tyrese show up in Brazil for Fast Five but in truly amazing fashion, if you skip 2F2F and Tokyo Drift you don't miss any plot points between movies one, four, five and six. It's weird, I know, but just consider both of those movies as spin-offs and not part of the series.
Now don't try and debate me that this means you can take The Godfather III away from that series and it makes Godfather the best franchise. No way. The Godfather III makes no sense on its own, but 2F2F is a perfectly complete story; it tells the tale of Brian, a cop doing undercover work in Miami. Like a bottle episode of a TV show (Bottle episodes tell one story, usually in one setting, with a small section of the cast, sometimes just one of them. For example the episode of GIRLS this past season with Patrick Wilson. I mean I don't watch GIRLS. I like sports.)
So take movies one, four and five, add in Fast 6 and you have the best franchise in movie history. Now if you have never seen the Fast and Furious franchise but you have somehow read up to this point, kudos to you. Now go watch the franchise. [EDITORS NOTS: Fast 6 cleared up the timeline issue. Sexton's explanation is : watch The Fast and the Furious then Fast and Furious but before you watch Fast Five sneak in 2 Fast 2 Furious. After Fast Five comes Fast 6. Tokyo Drift happens after Fast 6 however if you sit and watch the credits of Fast 6 they cut to a clip from Tokyo Drift. After you watch that clip you can completely skip Tokyo Drift and you won't miss any plot loops. That may sound confusing but believe me it makes sense.]
Now Godfather is who Oscar and his academy would throw at me, but let me just rapid fire a couple other franchises that may lead to debate.
Star Wars: Episodes 4-6 are incredible but no matter how hard you want to forget in your parents basement, they still made episodes 1-3 which introduced Jar Jar Binks to a world of ridicule.
Harry Potter: Good wholesome family fun until sweet Hermione Granger grew up and made grown men uncomfortable watching it with their kids. "Expecto Petronum" is that a petroleum lube? Cause I'll show sweet Hermione my inner most positive feelings. Here they "come" right now. Good franchise, not great.
Terminator: 1 and 2 are without question amazing acts of cinema but watching 3 and 4 even made T-1000 sad and he's a robot.
Lord of the Rings: You can say this is the best franchise if you want...everyone to know you're a nerd!
Twilight: Come on, that's a clown question bro.
Without spoilers or any characters names or settings here is the plot to every Fast and Furious movie :
Start movie with daring heist on the open road. Use slick driving to rip off a much larger vehicle. Then slow it down, talk about how the only thing that is important in this world is family. Uh-oh, they don't trust you, you need to prove yourself by street racing ( not once has someone made me prove my ability or try to earn their respect with a street race, but when they do I'll be ready) win street race, get invited into inner sanctum (the family) enter BBQ scene "drink anything you want as long as its a corona." Good guy starts to break bad, bad guys start to show glimmers of good, now time for the big heist. Good vs bad, there are no sides just the one with the code. That code is family. Succeed in heist, ride off into the sunset, not quite heroes, but not villains. Just a couple of people who care a lot about family. Perfection.
So buckle up, go see Fast & Furious 6 you don't want to be out of the loop for Fast seven, eight, nine and ten. Go make this number one at the box office this weekend so that eight, nine and ten aren't just hopes and dreams but are actual realities.
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